The Life of a Young Minsiter: "The Look on Their Faces"

                                As I sit back and study theology and the word of the lord, I sometimes reflect on the past weeks sermon and service and as I sit back and take in all of the knowledge and observe all that's happening around me, I often wonder how am I going to lead this passionate group of Christs followers. Im quite sure i speak for a lot of ministets, babies and vetrns alike, when i say, No matter how confident a preacher can try to be, or how much They study and try and prepare themselves,  one can never truly prepare their self to get up and speak in front of a crowd full of restless, attentive spirits, hungry for a move from God. Ready for their spirit to be convicted by the word of the Lord.       I notice the persona and the approach some preachers have when they at ready to deliver their message from God o the people. Some attempts at hiding what they are feeling are evident. I'm not calling anyone out or being slanderous, but I know for sure it's obvious on me. Weather I'm speaking a full sermon or a children's homily, I feel like my palms start sweating and the walls start closing in on me. Even if I'm just going over my message with pastor or getting ready to speak in front of 10-20 people, my throat stars closing up ans I start running out of air as if someone stopped the air from circulating like in the 90s Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Total Recall. All of my movie buffs will remember that scene from the movie on mars when the fans stopped rotating and blowing air. All the people on the planet in that section started collapsing trying to hold on to what little air they could. Well, that's how I feel as soon as I walk up to that podium an turn to see the "Look on Their Faces". I try to be of good courage. And I always pray that I step out of the way and let God work. I often wonder if I try too hard not to mess up. As I told a good friend of mine, preaching is different than a secular lecture or speech. One can prepare to speak in front of a board room, or give a lecture in a hall full of students. But boy I'll tell you, when you have to speak to someone's spirit, you have to take a delicate approach. You definitely have to have a humble spirit as well as submitting yourself to the will of God.................. That's a lot on a person and not everyone will understand what we as preachers have to go through when we are up there being used by God.          I would receive lots of encouragement from friends and family saying, "You Got this". Or "You'll be fine". I appreciate it but, but I don't think they realize that, for me, hearing them say those things does more harm than good. It's not their fault. Just feels like added pressure to do well.        Jeremiah 1:4-10 says, 4 Then the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, 5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. 6 Then said I, Ah, Lord GOD! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child. 7 But the LORD said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak. 8 Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the LORD. 9 Then the LORD put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have put my words in thy mouth. 10 See, I have this day set thee over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to throw down, to build, and to plant.        This is the passage that was suggested to me when I preached my first sermon. And became the theme for the evening. Which I must say went extremely well thanks to a number of my church family members. Special thanks to all in attendance in support of our church and myself as well. That evening in particular had a number of mixed emotions. One feeling of confusion and fear mixed together. Confused because I didn't know what was happening to me. Scared because I didn't know what was happening to me. Let me explain. So in verses 4 &5 of Jeremiah it says, the Lord already knew what he had planned for me. That He already ordained me to do what I do for Him now. Verse 6 confesses my fear for what I have to do. Verse 7, my instructions. Verse 8, my encouragement. Verse 9, my anointing. And verse 10, the prophecy. How powerful is that?         Look at verse 8 again. It says be not afraid of their faces. So what happened to me the night of my first sermon was, the Lord allowed me not to see anyone's faces that evening. I only saw 4 faces in the crowd. My Pastor, my Bishop, my big brother in ministry, and my older cousin. I couldn't even see my notes anymore. The Lord said to me, You can look at those notes all you wan to, but you aren't gonna be able to see them. So when I looked at my notes, all the words on the pages started running together till eventually the pages were blank. Then I walked away from my notes as the Holy Spirit started to take over and when I looked in the crowd, everyone's faces but the 4 I mentioned, were not visible to me anymore. So at that point I couldn't see the look on their faces. Good thing I trust God. Because I was so scared thought I had gone blind. But again, I trust God. So what ever he had planned for me. I was with it. I lean on the Lord so much, if He was standing next to me, we'd be joined at the hip.         I have to admit, I was relieved after I finished. I was able to se again. But now through a different set of eyes. I see things & people differently now. Not with a judgmental state, but with a renewed mind and a clean heart. I see the potential in people & I see the malice in some of their hearts. It's as I said in a previous sermon. When you live a life in Christ, let his light shine in you and do the will of God, your spirit will know when someone or something is not right.     None the less. I still pray to be used by God how he sees fit. I often wonder if I'm so humble now that I can mess up what God has set before me. That's a question I've been meaning to ask my pastor. Can a person become so humble that they can loose their self in the work they are assigned to do? Or become so humble that they forget how to let God use them the way He wants to use them? Cause it's easy to get in the way of Gods plans for us. Guess that Goes back to the old saying "let go and let God".  1 Peter 5:4-7 says  6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: 7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. So if you humble yourself before the mighty hand of God, and cast your cares upon Him, he will fight the battle for you. But once you give the problem to the Lord, remember, try not to get impatient while He's working it out and take the problem back and try and deal wit it yourself.          So, each and every Sunday, weather I'm opening up, doing the Alter call or even the benediction, I still get nervous when I see the Look on Their Faces. It's a look of wonder and a look of amazement. A look o curiosity even. But no matter how nervous i get, it's the look on their faces that motivates me to want to learn more and bring back and  teach them what the word of God says. The look on their faces looks as though they want more. Like they are sponges ready to absorb all that God has to give them at that moment. And I pray to continue to deliver the message the way God intended it to be heard. Even if he has to use my personality to get I done.      Enjoy the rest of your evening. Thank you and God bless you.         ~Rev. Tai Birch~